The Night Before Christmas (in Flint)
Kevin Allen
Issue date: 12/7/05 Section: Opinion
NOTE: The following is an act of parody. IF you have no sense of humor, why are you reading my articles anyway? Seriously.
'Twas the night before Christmas
In the city of Flint
And the idiots were roaming
They would not take a hint
The children were wide awake
Which wasn't a shock
They were try to get the high score
On their brand new 360 X-BOX
Mommy was in her bathrobe
I polished my Gat
Ready to kill any robber
Intruder, rapist or rat
Then I heard quite a noise
It sent me for a loop
I went to see if it was the cops
Taking away our basketball hoop
And out in the street
What should I see come?
But the Flint City Council
And Mayor Don Williamson
They were out for a stretch
And spreading some bull
While going to the doorsteps
And stealing each Flint Journal
More rapid then a recall
Those politicians they came
We don't really care about them
So we will not call them by name
As they ventured passed
There was a knock at the door
IT was a jolly fat man
Yes, it was Michael Moore
He screamed about Bush
Not sure what it meant
Then he reached in his sack
And gave us each a present
"A pay cut from Delphi!"
He turned his head
"So forget about college, kids
You're working at McDonalds instead."
"How about some run down houses
That would be a gem
And poverty galore
Brought to you by GM!"
He took everything away
Sent us to a new low
When I asked him for help
He simply said, "no."
"I don't make any money
by helping Flint, making you happy
The real cash is in wretchedness
So be sad, make it snappy."
With a wink of his eye
And a twist of his face
He threw my social security check
Into the fireplace
Our future, our nest egg
Burned bright in the sky
As he made for his limo
And bayed his goodbye
And as the cameras were rolling
HE said for all to hear
"Merry Christmas, dear Flint!"
uh...let's hope things go better next year.
'Twas the night before Christmas
In the city of Flint
And the idiots were roaming
They would not take a hint
The children were wide awake
Which wasn't a shock
They were try to get the high score
On their brand new 360 X-BOX
Mommy was in her bathrobe
I polished my Gat
Ready to kill any robber
Intruder, rapist or rat
Then I heard quite a noise
It sent me for a loop
I went to see if it was the cops
Taking away our basketball hoop
And out in the street
What should I see come?
But the Flint City Council
And Mayor Don Williamson
They were out for a stretch
And spreading some bull
While going to the doorsteps
And stealing each Flint Journal
More rapid then a recall
Those politicians they came
We don't really care about them
So we will not call them by name
As they ventured passed
There was a knock at the door
IT was a jolly fat man
Yes, it was Michael Moore
He screamed about Bush
Not sure what it meant
Then he reached in his sack
And gave us each a present
"A pay cut from Delphi!"
He turned his head
"So forget about college, kids
You're working at McDonalds instead."
"How about some run down houses
That would be a gem
And poverty galore
Brought to you by GM!"
He took everything away
Sent us to a new low
When I asked him for help
He simply said, "no."
"I don't make any money
by helping Flint, making you happy
The real cash is in wretchedness
So be sad, make it snappy."
With a wink of his eye
And a twist of his face
He threw my social security check
Into the fireplace
Our future, our nest egg
Burned bright in the sky
As he made for his limo
And bayed his goodbye
And as the cameras were rolling
HE said for all to hear
"Merry Christmas, dear Flint!"
uh...let's hope things go better next year.